Tuesday, September 25, 2007

Possible Permanent Popcornization of the Pad

Movie night at Chez Rue Boucher. I had somehow grown weary of the Three-Channel TV©, and had ventured out to Le BlockBuster for a thin round, shiny disc that would display sound and images when inserted into the side slot of the same machine in which I create these entries for you, dear reader.

And since the dynamic of any character arc requires popcorn, I had also made provisions for that, too.

Here is the thing with popcorn: Some microwave ovens have a "popcorn" button. It regulates the time needed for perfect popcorn. At Chez Rue Boucher there is no such button.

Quick. Close your eyes and try to guess what happened. Visualize....visualize.......visualize...

Only seconds past Too Late, the virulent smell of burnt popcorn gack filled the kitchen like poison ink. Toxic, white-hot chemical butter burst out of the blackened paper bag and sprayed the interior of the microwave like a broken garden sprinkler.

The fumes quickly permeated the wood of the kitchen—the counters, the doors, the ceiling. The window glass smelled like popcorn. Everything was Redenbacher from sea to shining sea.

Less than a minute had passed since ignition, but it was already later than it had ever been. Birds flying overhead dropped like dumbbells out of the sky, stunned and never knowing what had hit them. Cargo ships passing on the St. Lawrence River miles to the southeast were already altering their courses.

Its been three days. Can you guess what the apartment smells like today? Visualize....visualize.......visualize...

Look, we know Saddam Hussein had no Weapons of Mass Destruction. But did anyone think to check his cupboards for microwave popcorn?


lauren said...

Like Wah Dude...I wondered what wafted our way on the jetstream a few days ago. After I change my Adult Depends (come on! the glass smelled like burnt popcorn...birds dropped from the sky like dumbells...yer killin me over here!), I got just two words for you that I'm sure already crossed yer most agile mind:

Google & Febreeze

Google for how to clean and get the burnt smell and gack greezyness out the microwave without futher rerouting of ships and migratory birds, And Febreeze should clear the air in the flat and any cushy or hard surfaces outside the wave maker.

Just beware: smell the Febreeze scent you choose in the store. Yeah, that's right. Open the dang tops and sniff, cuz some of the flavors are actaully worse than the odors yer trying to dispell, especially the heavy duty ones. Stick to citrus or orange. They're safest. : )

Good luck. This blog comment self-distructs in thirteen and a half seconds. uh...one...uh...two...


Tippy Helloweeze

Eddietor said...

Look what I found!

"First use any cleaner you like to get the first layer off down to the yellow stain, this means the door, window, top, bottom, sides and outside vent across the top of the microwave. 2. Use the acetone free nail polish on cotton balls and go over everything: ie, inside window and inside door, top, bottom, sides. 3. Wash microwave with soapy water. 4. Rinse with vinegar water. Once the yellow stain is removed you have removed the main source of the smell! Until the yellow is gone, you will have the smell :) Don't use your microwave until you have completed this whole process. Final step to take is to peel two oranges, put them in a microwaveable dish with water enough to barely cover them and boil for 4 minutes. I stood and watched them boil because I didn't want a boil over or burned orange peels! Enjoy the oranges while you watch :) :) DO NOT OPEN THE DOOR!. Leave the door closed for 12 hours."

The freekin' Internet. Who runs that thing, anyway?

Mary Jo said...

New blog post please. Did the clean up work? Did you have to call in the HazMat team? Are you not blogging until the stench goes away?

Inquiring minds want to know....